Most Loathsome People of India 2009

By Sandeep

It’s that time of the year again. You might want to check where and how it all started or simply scan the awardees that made it to the 2008 list. Presenting the Most Loathsome People of India circa 2009. Truth be told, the folks who made it this year fiercely vied with each other in loathsomeness and except in very few cases, it was hard to award a rightful place to those who made to the list.

Another pain point was there were just too many contenders, each outclassing the other. To avoid the risk of expanding the list beyond managable proportions, I’ve restricted it to just 12. There was so much loathsomeness this year that lots of people ranked pretty much equally on all parameters of loathsomeness. I had to use a new parameter: uniqueness, or that one factor that put a certain person over and above his/her contender. From this perspective, it is unsurprising that this year’s list of the Most Loathsome People of India consists almost entirely of new people.

Here you go.

Vishnu Som: A real gatecrasher. With exactly one comment regarding the fundamental threat to Indian Muslims. To his credit, he did try to explain at great length how his “fundamental threat” comment was justified but we wish he applied logic instead of psychology, various mindbends, and an inexplicable concern for the tender feelings of Muslims.

Sentence: Mandatory reading of Logic 101 till he scores 100/100.

Vir Sanghvi: My new-found Guru, and mentor for dishing out an unwelcome dose of nauseating secular sanctimony. Not that he hasn’t done this before but there’s a difference in this piece: he explicitly targets a generation of “young readers . mystified by the fuss and annoyed by the refusal of journos to tell them what it was all about.” An open proclamation that the idea is to brainwash these young readers with secular falsehood. His choice of words is equally revealing: the Ayodhya issue is a fuss. He’s right in a way…to a person engrossed in culinary explorations, issues of long term civilizational impact do sound like a “fuss.”

Sentence: Eat until death.

USCIRF: The pontificating–in many ways, literally–quidnunc for displaying exemplary shamelessness in its “report.” For the last time, set your house in order first. At the moment, nothing is going right for you. We’ve survived greater challenges over a few thousand years. We don’t need your idea of religious freedom and related nonsense. Plus, we know the exact nature of the dung that you were fed with.

Sentence: Replace the existing members of the USCIRF with the members of the Saudi royal family.

Mahesh Bhatt: For his successful debut as an actor in real life. Looks like his insanehistrionics worked. There’s no trace of news of this Rahul Bhatt guy now. When reports last came in, Mahesh Bhatt was using every trick in the book–including pressurizing senior police officers to nudge-nudge wink-wink. And this is from the same filmmaker whose movies contain elaborate sermonizing on ethics and crime and “human nature” and society and religion and secularism. Ok the last word explains why Mahesh Bhatt made it to this list.

Sentence: Lock him up in a room and make him watch Saatwaan Aasmaan on endless loop at gunpoint.

Nisha Susan: For pushing an already-dirty public morality deeper into the gutters that our urban youth revel in confusing it for paradise courtesy the Pink Panties “campaign.” Hypothetically, we’d like to know if she’d send pink panties to her parents if they objected to her going to a pub. But then she works amidst a certain brand of liberal people who hold different standards for panties and burqas.

Sentence: Compulsory washing of other people’s underwear for a year wearing a burqa while she’s washing the underwear.

Y S Rajashekhara Reddy: For showing what he’d exactly done to Andhra Pradesh. His chronicles of misdeeds is as gory as it is voluminous. That his death was an eye-opener is an understatement. In a way, it’s a pity that it required his death to open the lid off the murky dealings of the Congress “YSR” party in Andhra Pradesh. An email that was doing rounds a few months ago showed that his combined worth is upwards a few thousand crores.

Sentence: You can’t sentence a dead man.

Kancha Ilaiah: Another gatecrasher who suddenly soared to popularity thanks to our braindead media, which thinks it’s ok to pit a pig against Hindu causes as long as the pig emits appropriate amounts of anti-Hindu stink. This parasite has mooched taxpayer money throughout his despicable career as an academic among other things, and his capacity for harm, given a chance, is incredible.

Sentence: Compulsory reading of the Bhagavad Gita for the rest of his life.

Wendy Doniger: Strictly speaking, she’s not an Indian but she rammed her way through to this Hall of Shame with her latest sex fantasy-fiction about the lurid lives of the Hindus. Her Freudian sex-obsession is equally matched by a variant of McCarthyism. In her sex-fantasy world, the only job of Hindu Gods and Goddesses and sages is to have sex and more sex and more and more sex in different forms and with different men and women. And we only have her word as the proof of that. Anybody who questions her word is a deadly right-wing Hindutva communalist. We only need to figure out what she was deprived of in childhood to understand her “writing.” Welcome, Prof Wendy.

Sentence: Psychoanalyzed by Steve Farmer and Michael Witzel.

Sudheendra Kulkarni: For singlehandedly shoving the BJP’s electoral fortunes down the drain. You only need one man of his calibre to make sure that you’re decimated without a trace. His election “strategy” is a study in stupidity. Equally, his desertion of the party to don a plush job is study in charlatanism.

Sentence: Sculpt a statue of Mamta Banerjee or lose your job.

Rahul Gandhi: For giving us regular Glimpses of the Future History of India under his reins. From performing repeated faux pas and scoring self goals at the hands of the media and university students who’ve been led to believe in the prowess of this dynamic, sexy young leader, Rahul Gandhi has accomplished tremendously. As only a functionary of the Congress party, the Crown Prince is giving us a foretaste of where he’ll take us if he becomes the Prime Minister. “Discovering” that Arunachal Pradesh is actually somewhere on the Indian map ranks as one of those accomplishments I mentioned.

Sentence: Draw a map of India and point the exact location of Arunachal Pradesh. Organize a Fake the Nation show on Congress News Network-Islamic Broadcasting Network and show the cute map to the nation.

Manmohan Singh: Who is he?

Sentence: Nothing. Really. Because he doesn’t exist.

Burkha Dutt: Zooms up from #13 to #1 this year. Her stellar performance in covering 26/11, her courageous battle with the Naval chief, and her consistent criticism of, and sending legal notices to intimidate helpless bloggers have contributed in a huge way to her success in this Hall of Shame. Not the one to rest content on past laurels, she continues to assault her yeowoman contributions to maintaining the health of Indian democracy week after week in She the People. We strongly suspect she’ll retain her #1 position when this list is drawn in 2010.

Sentence: Mute her mike each time she speaks.

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